I was given a life today. They said it was a choice, but I did not feel like I choose something. I went inside that room with white walls as a 24yrs old, but, when I came out, I was just one day away from losing my life. They told me to choose what I wanted to do in this one day. What can anyone do? Drink till my throat can’t hold my liquor? Or sleep with as much people as I could? What can I do when I could literally count the number of hours to live? My faith now was chosen, it was something which cannot be taken back. So I choose to see her, the girl who smiled. The girl who made me forget my world. The girl whom I won’t be seeing again after this day, my last day. The thought of having just these few hours to see her made me want to run faster.
It had been years since I met this girl. I never did talk to her assuming I would do it the other day. Now all this seems like a personal joke to me. I am running now with all the amount of life left in me to see her. It was not that fair skin which made me look at her again, it was that small mark that ran down to the right side of her face. It was not those unbelievably beautiful lips which made my heart beat a little bit faster, but it was that smile which never left her face. It was not those long hair that brushed my hand, it was her voice that made me fall in love with her. I had dreamed about enjoying this unnatural beauty for the rest of my life which I never assumed to end so abruptly, so soon.
I came to a stop when I saw her, weighing my words, stealing faint glances of her magnificent self. It is so difficult to tell someone that you would not be present to hold them tomorrow, that you have been waiting forever to tell her, but had just few seconds of time together. For the first time today I felt how it feels like to leave. Having faced situations where people always left me, but today being the on leaving gives me chills. She looked at me while I was staring. I was caught. She smiled sweetly recognizing that friend who was always there with her. I felt this huge desire to turn my back and never to look at her, she did not deserve it. How do you ever move when that fresh wind is just about to wash on your face? I stood there taking all that she offered, her smile, those eyes. “It’s my last day.” I blurted out. She stopped in her tracks but I couldn’t quite picture her emotions. Sad, questioning, confused, angry. I got nothing just a blank face, no emotions. I tried to approach and she did not move this time. I was face to face with her when she broke down, tears streaming down her face and her knees giving in. She feels on her knees with tears in her eyes which killed me, knowing that I was the one who placed them in there. I bent down with her holding her so tight that I felt I would hurt her with my grip. I kept saying sorry so many times that my voice sounded like a stink. She said nothing, just kept crying on my chest. I could feel her tears warm, my insides giving me a major ache in my chest. I never knew how much pain I was leaving behind, getting a trailer of it made me filled with guilt. That’s when I cried, I cried until I couldn’t anymore.