Last time I checked, I was not dead but, I didn’t even feel I was alive. Alive is the beating of heart, the breathing of lungs, but I was doing none of these things. It was just a moment of panic I told myself, and felt my breathing returning, my heart beating. But not everything was right. Something was missing. Something very important. I couldn’t remember.

It was just a moment of beat and I found my missing piece… that girl. My girl was not there. I have a faint image of her stretching her hands in front of her asking me to embrace, and then it was lost. I craved for that memory to come back so desperately. Only for that small shift of wind I believed that image to be real. But I couldn’t recognize her. I had a feeling I should but just couldn’t place the memory. Her long hair tied in braids leavings just a portion of her hair in front of her face, her smile killing all the things in path including me, her hands, soft and gentle, giving me tickles of electric shocks all over my cells. But the best part I remembered about her were her eyes, ordinary shade of brown-black, but so innocent and smiling. Until that smile reached her face, the image faded again. I desperately tried to hold onto the memory but I was found by disappointment; she was going, leaving me all by myself. Half broken and half alive, I tried to reach her again, but soon I realised it was out of my reach. Tried to remember what happened with her, with me, with us, but there was nothing.

If she was dead, I wanted to know anything to get even a slight part of her. I don’t understand why but her existence seemed more important to me than my own. Was she just a filament of my mind? Or was she just a someone I have always desired? Or was it something I dared to leave behind? Again I tried to force myself to remember that lively image which was so close to me, and again I found nothing. This pain is unbearable, I am not injured but I am broken somehow. I just want to know where did I get myself broken. Where is my mended heart? Because I can’t feel it inside me, I fell nothing, but pieces.

Advertisements