Pretending.


I have heard from a lot of people that humans act as per their nature and character. They pretend only when they want someone to like them or hate them. Its not easy to pretend to be someone else. You are forced to wear a mask. A mask which comes out only when you are alone and by yourself. In my case its different. I have to pretend to be an entirely different person in front of my own self. When a wave comes clashing by in my direction. I never let it pass through me since I live with the fear of losing my disguise, losing my makeup. I always step aside, but then when the wave crosses my path l realise how would it be like to be me This thought, its just a one second wish which l soon ignore. 
The reason I keep myself away from me is because its feels wrong to inherit something which I have no right to own anymore. The moment I decided to give myself away, I lost the right to be me. I am a different person today. People know me as l now know myself. I have not killed nor have I robbed. l have just made enemies with my own shadow. Its being twenty years of solitude, twenty years of profound humility and the best part is that l don’t even know the reason. I used to hope before that someone will make me think of myself again, atleast a ray of hope. 

But no, sometimes for some people there is no hope. All we have is a mind which completely loses contact with the beating organ. The only function that beating organ does is keeps me alive. I have stopped feeling any pain in there since a few years. I have no one to show myself to apart from my own self and I don’t feel like facing myself today. I lost my true self very soon. I should have waited. I should have Just waited a moment longer. Maybe there will be someone who will force me to face though waves. 

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