What is alone?

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That night I lay on my back gazing at the ceiling above waiting for it to slowly turn black. Waiting for that natural light to withdraw its duty for that night. As I was staring at the ceiling I could see each part of that roof losing its ability to show colors, it was dominated by that one color which is so powerful that it is used to define a personality, which is viewed as poisonous when present with a liquid which makes us say “dark”. They told me that my punishment was to stay alone today, there were many reasons I was told as if I had asked for it. But can we really be alone? Is it really possible? I highly doubt, even with the absence of flesh and bone beside me, I never felt that I was ever alone. I have always considered that we walk around holding one more person within us. Maybe that person only comprises of the upper part of my body, someone hiding beneath my hair.

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Even without a single person in my vicinity, it keeps talking. Keeps asking me questions whose answers are known only to him. They say it is a part of me. He knows what I know. I do not agree, if it were true why won’t it just stop talking. I just really want to be alone. People, words and voices have made me ache, I do not want it anymore. I never wished for my life to take that one turn which I was avoiding since I saw how black it was. They say there are many roads in life from which there is no turning back, they make it sound like life is a curse, with the difference that it is real. With so many words ringing in my mind by just laying back and watching the roof, how am I alone? It’s invading my privacy. Few years back I was just a desperate child, hunting for these unspoken and unreal questions, but now when I see through that glass, I find that there are no answers. They are just questions.

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Today I don’t mind people as long as I get to slit their throat and see that red liquid falling on my fingers, to see them lose breathe not of love but because of my sword. I don’t care about talking to people anymore as long as I can end their speech in mid sentence, but this thing in my head, it challenges me. I cannot get rid of him. It is like a parasite, I am getting something from him and in return it is giving me these questions. I do not believe when people say that they can control minds. Minds are lone creatures, each giving us enough access but at the same time blocking us from control. Now I only lay down on my back watching the ceiling which is long disappeared leaving it dark and I let the questions flow.

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