They say life is very short to be sad. I do not disagree, sad is not a pleasant feeling. It just makes you feel not worthy, what good is it then? But, every time we are sad there is still one thing that’s happening. A feeling to feel happy again. Just the feeling of being happy again beats that sadness as small or as big it is. I feel the same today, maybe I might be happy, but I am alone. I can’t even hope for someone to come and make me smile again.
We do need people to make us feel that we are not alone, that there is someone who cares. But I lost the people who cared for me and I did not put in the effort to find them again. They had promised me that they would always be there, in all situations, in all problems but I fled them away. They had come to make me happy again, but I was too content with being sad. I was worried to hurt them. You must be wondering what was making me sad, it’s the change. I am changing and I fear hurting them.
I am too coward to end the change so I just get carried away. Since I am alone now and not hoping to wait for anyone, I just keep thinking how it really feels like, being sad. It felt different, feeling sad with the intensity that I am it makes me question a lot of things that once made me happy. I am remembering all the bad things that happened in my life and this change topped all the other events. My tears don’t come anymore; it was time when my eyes changed. They are getting more alert, precise, strong, more tolerant to sunlight and most of all more inhuman.
It’s just my brain left, soon that should change too. These thoughts will go soon, small things like thinking that I took for granted when I had my mind all for myself. I try to remember the last time all events that happened. I try to remember something good but it just did not come, all that I have in mind are the bad things, things that make me feel guilty. Soon sadness will go too and all that will be left is anger. Anger that will want to destroy. I am a monster. What will be my happy?