Why is it that the happiness you look for all your life in your family, just all of the sudden does not seem to be happiness anymore? Is it the problem of being someone that has a sibling, or just the feeling of being taken for granted because you are the one that does not want things to get tied up? You are the one that agrees to everything on the way, and just take a small step back because it will just end the problem. Is compromising just a name for being taken for granted?
How long can you do that until it feels like that’s your life, and towards the journey you just can’t take it anymore. But that time you can’t tell them to stop taking you for granted. I want to be considered first as well. I want to be the first as well. When does that time come? I tried that, telling them that’s it. I can’t anymore. I feel the rage of all the years building in my chest. It come to a point where I want to let it out. I can’t take the difference anymore. I can’t be “the girl” anymore.
Do they listen to you that time? Or they just think that you are over reacting, because you have never mentioned it before? You have only cried all night when they were sleeping because you knew they would never understand. Then what do you do in that case? Keep feeling the sense of not being understood and just start blaming everyone involved for not understanding you? I have been there today and, let me tell you, I never will be better for you. They will not understand. They will cry thinking that “I did all right, I did my part”, then why the drama. But you know the nights, you remember the times, you remember these things and just can’t point them out anymore, because they are old, they are at the bottom of the chest. You can’t explain to them your pain as a 6 year old, when you are 25 years old because, then, it would just be over reacting.
Why not say it at 6 year old? Because you are the person that wants things to not be tied up. You are the one that takes the step back because you want to end the problem. Then why now? Because I can’t anymore. I need to breathe, I need my chest empty. I need to get it all out. Believe me, you can try your best to make them understand these things but they won’t. They just won’t, none of them.