There are times when I wonder if my life only comprises of me, and the rest of the people are just tagalongs. They come and go, but even if they stay they have no influence whatsoever on how you live your life. For me that is not a matter of thought, there has been no one for me. Being alone teaches you things, one of them is not having a sense of belonging and over the years, it does even matter anymore. When your entire world is just a small cabin, there is nothing that can affect your sense of want. I have memorized all the tiles with the small squares within them, the small drops of blood that is never wiped out, the little shards of glass that is fallen near the window. I did not even hurry up, I took my time to remember all these things. I know that in my head, one day someone will come and ask me about these details and I would answer it all without a doubt. This is my life after all.
All my worries about my future went flying out of the window once I was locked up here. I keep thinking of the relevancy of all those thoughts I had back then. The simple crush, the report cards that brought in the stress, meeting new people, talking to strangers, well that was nothing. Not important anymore. As life goes on problems change, or do they just disguise themselves into another form? Problems are just that, the same word with different feelings. The different shades of black, some are lighter and some are too dark, so dark that they consume all the other colors in your life. They take over you and make you this person that has multiple faces to challenge these dark spots. I keep wondering, what makes it all so important? When you are here, like me, in this small cage life just seems to go in a straight line, no hopes or rather no need of hope. I did have them before, where I kept screaming, crying and hurting myself to a point where nothing happened. Now I just stay still, let the time pass away. Time does pass away, there is nothing that will stop that. So that one thing can be my exhale.
There are no positives or negatives that exist for me, why should they? Is there any use of that thought? People live, go on, move on, no one cares of your existence as much as you do and there are times when you forget about it. You want people to cry for you when you are gone and even if you get that, then what? You have gone and there is nothing changing that.